craft, frivolity, purpose, & time
just processing some feelings out loud!
A few weeks ago I mentioned to someone that I was working on a quilt. And they immediately asked me, “oh, is it for your bed or one of the kids?” I had to stammer out a sheepish response like “um… well… no, uh I guess I just kind of wanted to? It will probably go on the couch?”
I know the intention behind this question was totally innocent but it definitely placed me into a space that I have a lot of insecurities about: the fact that I don’t often make things for very specific reasons. I follow creative rabbit trails, I start and abandon projects all the time, I lose interest in one specific pursuit and immediately pick up another. I don’t make money from it and it doesn’t advance my “creative career”1 . And when I think about these habits from certain outside perspectives, it makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel like I’m being frivolous.
But why IS it so specifically awful to me to have this feeling of being frivolous or silly, especially in regards to when I make things that don’t always have a very specific purpose? There’s a shaming, taunting, gremlin-y part of my brain that hisses “you’re wasting your time, you’re wasting your money. people think you’re silly. why can’t you grow up and be practical?”
I have a handful of guesses about where this shame comes from. Capitalism and/or the Patriarchy2? The worry of being selfish or even just being perceived as selfish? The suburban midwestern cultural milieu in which I exist? (Though I will say NONE of this comes from my family of origin, I know I’m super blessed to have grown up in a family that always supports and is interested in what I’m making.) And like anything, the volume knob on these thoughts gets raised and lowered all the time, depending on where I’m at in my hormonal cycle, or how busy I am, or tired I am, or how much money I feel I do or don’t have.
Part of the internal struggle I feel is that if I gave in to that awful small voice that says leave the creative hobbies behind and be practical, I would feel creatively frustrated and probably very bored?? Like what would I do with my time? Not just that, but who would I even BE? To conceive of my days without creating anything just for fun makes me feel like I’d be missing a limb, it’s so much a part of my time and my thoughts and my habits. When someone questions the purpose of making art, a very quiet tender part of my heart interprets that as questioning the purpose of my self.
I recently listened to a podcast3 where they discussed this topic, or the general feeling of guilt around our use of time, and that was reassuring. A big part of the discussion was crafting as rest, or self-care, or relaxation. And while that’s all true as well, it tends to bring out a rebellious side of me—I want to shove even further away from that need for creativity to have a PURPOSE. Or I guess the issue is more of, why do we not culturally accept PLAY and FUN as being purposeful?
I think this is a topic I’ll continue swimming down into–there’s a lot more here that I’ve been thinking about lately. BUT I’m trying to a) not overstay my welcome by writing a stupidly long post and b) wrap it up in a positive way, so here are two good things to end with:
Number one. I experience this feeling very infrequently. I’ve placed myself into a space online and in the world where most people are on the same side as me, I know that most of my friends GET IT. It’s only on a rare occasion where these questions rub up against my real life.
And I’m happy to tell you that my thoughts usually dwell firmly in the camp of “Making things is not frivolous! Making things is fun and enjoyable and there’s nothing wrong with simple enjoyment of things! Handmade objects push back against questionable technology and the culture of disposability! Handmade objects contribute beauty to the world! Spending time making things shows my kids and other people that it’s worthwhile to spend time on art” etc etc etc
Number two. Just a few days after the initial conversation that started this entire thought process, I went to a funeral visitation for a woman that had been a prolific quilter. PROLIFIC. And an entire room was filled with her work, dozens of quilts and quilted objects: a tremendous physical, visual, tactile and comforting testament to this woman’s life, and time, and creativity. It was truly incredible and felt like a direct spiritual message: your time is not wasted in pursuit of making things. So: thanks, Kathy.
And lastly, if you’re reading this, thanks, because you’re most likely one of the people that do! relate and don’t! make me feel like a giant weirdo. 🥰
See ya friends.
PS, two recent instagram likes that somehow feel tangentially related to this topic:
whatever that is at the moment 🤡
actually this is kind of tongue in cheek because I think we as a culture need to stop blaming things on “the patriarchy”, it’s lazy and overdone!!!
Make and Decorate with Stephanie, S6 E115. This specific conversation starts around minute 36.